Love Note to My Four Month Old

My Ascher,

You sit, snuggled into the curve of my arm with your head on my shoulder.  You’re sleepy.  We’ve had playtime and storytime and it’s not quite bedtime and those big gray eyes of yours are just staring at something distant.  You’ve found your left thumb.  You used to keep it tucked firmly into your fist and just suck on your whole span of knuckles, but now that you’ve found the thumb it keeps coming back to your mouth.  Funny how such a baby habit can make you look so much older.

You’re growing so fast.  Every time I do laundry I have to move something to the “too-small” box and at least twice a week Ben and I look at each other and wonder how on earth you got so big.  It’s not just that you’re rapidly approaching 20 pounds.  I think that, while I was waiting for you, I pictured the first six months being like what turned out to be the first six weeks.  I was picturing the newborn part lasting longer.

Seriously, while you’re pregnant everyone tells you to enjoy, because it goes so fast.  I nodded and smiled because I had every intention to and I know I did.  But wow.  This fast?  Tiny baby, where did you go?

These days you want to be big.  You’re enjoying your new strength and your new tricks.  You want to sit up straight, not reclined.  You tense up your whole body and want to stand when we finish a diaper change.  You’ve started to reach when you want picked up and lean when you want to go visit someone else, especially your daddy.  You chuckle more easily.  My crazy dancing is funny to you.  You like to have conversations and tell me about the world.  You’re more patient about being on your tummy.  Reading stories makes you hyper and excited as you concentrate on turning pages.

Bedtime has gotten a bit more complicated since you surprised me and turned into a 5-10 minute power eater.  We used to nurse to sleep every night and, while I still try it, you get frustrated when you’re enjoying the coziness and wanting to sleep but your tummy gets full.  Frequently, when this happens your daddy takes you and sings until you relax and fall asleep.  Something about his voice just sends you right off.

Ascher-boy, your daddy is a superhero.  I know you know this just by the huge, happy smiles and wiggles you give him when he gets home from work.  He loves you a lot, you know.  It makes me happy to see you guys playing games together.  I hope he’s always your hero, because I know he’ll always be your biggest fan.

You’re not the only one growing, sweet boy.  You’re helping me grow too, even now that you’re outside my tummy.  I know I’ve always been stubborn about growing and change, so thanks, sweet baby, for being an inexorable change both in your self and for me.  I know God is making me better than I was through you.

This quiet evening moment and every snuggle you give me is precious because you’re finding so many other things interesting.  At the start you’d sleep on me all day long.  Now you want to see things and figure it all out.  Even with all the ways you’re bigger, I know that, truly, you’re still little.    You still rely on us for sustenance, amusement, transportation, comfort, companionship and everything else you need.  We are not the only ones who could do these things for you, but I’m SO glad we get to be the ones who do.  It’s a lot of work sometimes, but it’s a lot of smiles all the time.

Love you always, and looking forward to all the new things with you.

Your Mama



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