I keep wanting to think of how to put this series out with a bang, but honestly? I think it’s going to peter out and we’re all going to be glad. I won’t have to write posts like this, and you won’t have to read them. This thing of posting with or without inspiration is for the birds.
I’ve flubbed my initial series idea in a number of ways that I’m too lazy to count the actual number of right now.
Leaving the computer shut? Lasted a week and a half. Adding some of my hobbies? I spent a lot of my freed up time trying to stay mostly ahead of the kitchen(yes, I could have freed up more, discussed that already).
I’ve managed to learn some good stuff anyways though.
I read some real books that I really enjoyed. I’m such a fiction person, but I’m going to keep reading the real books.
I found out my sister is a genius. Well, no. I knew that already, but she wrote an incredible series this year that had me eagerly reading and rereading, inspired, cheering and going “hey, I’ve been learning that too!” over and over again. Seriously, there were posts of hers this month where I was like, “she said what I’ve been sort of thinking I need to say… only better!” And then it just kept happening, so here, Go Check It Out!
Biggest thing?? My frustrations with my babies are directly related to how well I’m handling myself and my time. As my wise mama always says, the only one you can really control is yourself. If I’m too distracted with the computer and the babies need me what are they going to do? Try for my attention. How? Yelling, throwing toys, whacking small sister/me/computer, getting into forbiddens, whatever. How can I respond? I could be annoyed at being interrupted and yell and demand better behavior(because that’s such a great inspiration) or I could get my lazy self moving and be the adult and the mama and shut the dumb computer.
My attitude is my responsibility. I’ve always known this, but it’s so much work to actually live like it, sometimes. I can let my “omg the house is not a parade home” feelings and the completely unregulated emotions of my tiny people and their needs and all of my perceived problems affect me and send me into a tailspin of “I can’t handle this, let’s just hide in facebook games all day and eat crappy food I’m going to hate myself for in the mirror later” or I can get off my butt and change the day up. Music, ten minutes of big picture touch up cleaning, comb the hair for pity’s sake. Put on real pants(not the pjs you’ve been wearing for two days, ew) and while you’re at it, toss in a load of laundry. Maybe, at 25 years old, married with two babies, it’s time to be a grownup, good grief.
But, it’s still a balance. I can get so caught up in the trying to feel better by volume of accomplishments that I can sometimes forget to still include the babies. Wilona loves to ride with me. When I slow down enough to think of how to include Ascher he loves to help with chores. He moves laundry with me. He dumped ingredients into the soup for me last night. He’s getting better at following directions.
These are wins, people. Whether or not I stayed off the computer completely, these are wins.
And hey, two hours of intermittent key pounding later, here’s a post. If I wasn’t trying for a post a day I would have just dropped it after 20 minutes and there would have been nothing. Getting some real words to screen. That’s a win too.